Musician humor

1, 2, Ay-Zig, GO!

Musician humor

Postby Rightupinthere » Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:42 pm

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished; the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and is now au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides he needs a rest - and closes the bar.
"Science doesn’t know everything? Well science KNOWS it doesn’t know everything… otherwise it’d stop."
Dara O'Brian - Comedian
User avatar
Rightupinthere
Mercenary of Churlishness
Mercenary of Churlishness
 
Posts: 6530
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2004 7:53 am
Location: Ye Olde Pigeon Hole

Postby goofyeuph » Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:00 pm

:ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL:
TSASOTFMB!!!!
User avatar
goofyeuph
Peregrine
Peregrine
 
Posts: 1696
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2004 12:19 am
Location: Gooding, ID...BGSU in my heart

Postby Falcon30 » Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:47 pm

That deserves some sort of pulitzer or oscar or something :smt116 :smt116 :smt116 :smt116 :smt116 :smt116 :smt116
Inventor of the Clusterf**k and Shoot offense.
User avatar
Falcon30
Tubist / Human SubWoofer
Tubist / Human SubWoofer
 
Posts: 2613
Joined: Sat Jul 24, 2004 2:52 pm
Location: South Amherst, Ohio

Postby bgmaggot00 » Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:56 pm

:smt041

Awesome!
User avatar
bgmaggot00
Peregrine
Peregrine
 
Posts: 1186
Joined: Sat Jul 24, 2004 1:38 am
Location: Lawrence, KS

Postby The Niz » Sat Jan 19, 2008 11:54 am

Kyle Dobbins used to tell that joke all the time. Its much funnier now than it was then :-D
Yeah right girl!

Oorah!
User avatar
The Niz
Peregrine
Peregrine
 
Posts: 2432
Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:58 am
Location: Parris Island, SC

Postby FMBfan07 » Sat Jan 19, 2008 6:37 pm

that is awesome, i have heard some of those jokes about the bar and notes, but this one was the best
Go Falcons!
Roll Along!
FMBfan07
Peregrine
Peregrine
 
Posts: 820
Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2004 12:58 pm
Location: Willowick, Ohio

Postby goofyeuph » Sat Jan 19, 2008 10:06 pm

Here's one I always found amusing.

Quite a number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 under the baton of Milton Katims.

Now at this point, you must understand two things:

1. There's a quite long segment in this symphony where the basses don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.
2. There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.

It had been decided that during this performance, once the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the symphony, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage, rather than sit on thier stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes. Once they got backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and quaff a few brews.

When they got there, a European nobleman recognized that they were musicians, and bought them several rounds of drinks. Two of the bassists passed out, and the rest of the section, not to mention the nobleman, were rather drunk. Finally, one of them looked at his watch and exclaimed, "Look at the time! We'll be late!"

The remaining bassists tried in vain to wake up their section mates, but finally those who were still conscious had to give up and run across the street to the Opera House.

While they were on their way in, the bassist who suggested this excursion in the first place said, "I think we'll still have enough time--I anticipated that something like this could happen, so I tied a string around the last pages of the score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."

Sure enough, when they got back to the stage they hadn't missed their entrance, but one look at their conductor's face told them they were still in serious trouble. Katims was furious! After all...

It was the bottom of the Ninth,
the basses were loaded,
the score was tied,
there were two men out,
and the Count was full.
TSASOTFMB!!!!
User avatar
goofyeuph
Peregrine
Peregrine
 
Posts: 1696
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2004 12:19 am
Location: Gooding, ID...BGSU in my heart

Postby The Niz » Sat Jan 19, 2008 10:47 pm

:ROFL:


Only you.
Yeah right girl!

Oorah!
User avatar
The Niz
Peregrine
Peregrine
 
Posts: 2432
Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:58 am
Location: Parris Island, SC

Postby goofyeuph » Sat Jan 19, 2008 11:00 pm

The Niz wrote::ROFL:


Only you.


damn right
TSASOTFMB!!!!
User avatar
goofyeuph
Peregrine
Peregrine
 
Posts: 1696
Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2004 12:19 am
Location: Gooding, ID...BGSU in my heart


Return to BGSU Bands

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: MSN [Bot] and 1 guest